I was fortunate enough to go to Munich and to Ocktoberfest last weekend and I think I’m still hung over.

It’s the most incredible and strangest place I’ve ever seen. In the middle of a big park in a lovely city (great architecture) is a funfair with enormous wooden “tents”. In these wooden tents are hundreds and hundreds of people. There are lots of tents. The people inside, moi included, started drinking giant “stein” glasses of super strength lager at 10am in the morning. This is Central European Time – so, 9am in my BST UK orientated head. From here until 16:30, I drank more lager than I have blood. Our party of 19 drank an average of 8.5 steins each – that’s 17 pints. I then went to another bar, after eating a hot dog (that’s all I ate), then another bar. I think I’m probably lucky to be alive, frankly…

I got to thinking, and someone else mentioned this too… if we had that sort of festival in the UK, then there would most likely be dead people floating around in rivers, upturned cars, large fires, destruction on an unimaginable scale and plenty of pavement pizzas (you know, stomach lining flavour) … I just can’t imagine it.

It seems my daughter has swine flu. I say “seems” because the medical establishment assume she has, given there is infection in her school, and so they provide no testing, no consultation and courier Tamiflu over on a bike. Job done.

I’m happy to say that on (probably) day three, she is fine and is suffering no more than an intermittent temperature rise, which is brought down by Nurofen. The three other people in the house (myself included) appear to not have been infected yet, so the virus has thus far travelled to my house from Mexico but not across the upstairs landing (yet). They speak of 100,000 new cases every day, soon, in the UK.

I think there are some important facts here:

1 – When we thought this was a global pandemic of something like SARS or Spanish flu, there was mass hysteria. It died away when they realised that it would kill a very small proportion of people given its apparent strength. In fact, I’ve heard of Swine Flu parties, akin to measles parties, where people are trying to catch the virus on purpose, to build up immunity now – in case it mutates into the global killer we thought it would be. A small proportion of fatalities could still represent a large number of people — one of whom could be a family member of yours. What did the doctor do when we rang for assistance? He called someone to get advice from them. He then told us my wife to go to the chemist, even though she would have to take my daughter with her… the chemist was appalled and the end result was that the drugs were couriered to my house. However, the chemist said his time was being taken up by people and DOCTORS who didn’t know what to do. What if this really was – or turns into – a very dangerous threat? It’s gone to my area of Surrey very quickly from Mexico, it will be with you very soon, if not already.

2 – Should I go to work, knowing I’m very likely to contract this virus soon – if not already? Answer, yes, because I have no symptoms. However, I had a headache and pointed this out, but I also pointed out that I have headaches twice a week or so anyway (depending on stress levels and hayfever!). So — do I stay at home until next Spring in case I have pig flu? Or do I brush past an asthmatic with a poor immune system and kill them off, or a recovering cancer patient? If I should stay at home, we should all stay at home and then society would break down pretty quickly – you could see that from the petrol strikes a few years back.

3 – Should I tell my work colleagues? Would I want to know if someone else had it? If my work colleagues are having a big birthday bash, should I go, knowing I might be harbouring the potentially threatening new flu virus on my hand, even though in most cases it’s so mild you might not know you have it. My answers were “no”, “yes”, “no” when faced with it. You could argue the flip for each answer.

4 – Someone mused that this virus was probably experimental in a laboratory and was accidentally released by the very people who were experimenting in order to develop vaccines and drugs to combat this potential menace. If you look at pharmaceutical shares, you will see that they have outperformed other sectors in the stock market in this bad global recession – and are set to continue. Interesting thought. Oink, oink.

The biggest point is that hopefully, this will serve as a warning to those responsible for preparing for a (probably) more dangerous crisis. The usual seasonal flu virus could suddenly mutate, bird flu could become rampant, as could SARS, or some other plague. Sadly, I have no confidence that this wake-up call, romantically rumoured to have come from a flu-striken child in Mexico kissing a flu-striken pig, will shake anybody into real action – with the recession and next year’s election to fight, there’s just no appetite.

I don’t know about you, but I have to do a double take when I see the news and it talks about pirates. Pirates? Pirates make me think of Johnny Depp or the old Spanish Galleons that glided around the Carribbean firing balls of metal at one another. Instead, there are speedboats and bandana-wearing guys firing rocket propelled grenades at cargo ships and oil tankers. No signs of cunning and articulate parrots anywhere, just guys chewing khat, sailing around and firing guns.

I have a certain sympathy for these people. There has been no government in Somalia for many years, no infrastructure, no hope. They see the throbbing veins of Western commerce forced to pass their coast and are taking advantage, earning much money in the process. You can imagine that the local warlords are pushing the young people of their fiefdoms into their naval mugging careers with no career in medicine or politics on offer as alternatives. They are like lambs to the slaughter.

This is serious business. Pirates are being killed, probably in larger numbers than the shipping companies and their insurance companies would want you to know. The killings that we hear about – information readily available to the gangs – are creating some kind of pirate brotherhood. They are threatening to kill their hostages and up the ante in their activities. With the threat of this, the Western forces are galvanising themselves in the area, raising up the tension.

Where will it end? I suspect the forces of good will crack down hard on any small and fast moving ship in the area and send a lot of young unfortunate men quietly down to Davy Jones’ locker. I don’t see any other outcome or see any other way that this can be avoided. Democracy is not knocking on Somalia’s door.

Here’s something simple for the government to try and understand.

Higher taxes mean that people go abroad to work, meaning that their tax revenue has been lost completely. This brain drain makes companies less effective. This could make them less profitable. They might downsize (losing jobs) or close down. Whatever the small number of greedy bankers have done, the financial centre of London is by far and away the most productive and profitable part of the UK’s revenue base – still.

Higher rate tax people normally have sophisticated tax efficient methods to reduce the amount of taxes they pay – when taxes go even higher, their tax efficiencies are adapted to (often) reduce the amount of tax they were paying in the first place (offshore, equity options etc). Higher taxes often remove the incentive for higher rate tax indivuduals to work harder, so they work less hard and pay less tax (smaller bonuses). It’s a fact, making tax higher ends up with lower tax revenues in the end.

Higher tax means lower incomes for the people (whether large lumps from the higher earners or smaller amounts from the middle and working classes). They spend less. This is exactly what the government want to avoid. They want people to spend and stimulate the economy. If they don’t, businesses go bust (for lack of sales), their people are laid off, more government assistance is required for those people. Tax revenues are lower too.

However, despite this, the government have chosen to increase the rate of tax for higher rate individuals, thus breaking their manifesto promise and removing any chance of winning the next election. How bizarre.

It’s difficult to know what to do – however, this was not the correct option.

There is a new man who can now be described as the most powerful man in the world. He is black.

94% of black voters in the US voted for Obama (according to polls). You would expect more than average, but are people voting for someone based on colour?

McCain had slightly more white voters than his average vote – which you might expect.

Some voters voted for McCain because they didn’t want a muslim to be president. They based this on the fact that the name “Obama” sounds like a famous terrorist muslim (and presumably his running mate Biden didn’t help there) – and Obama is not white.

Personally, I wasn’t impressed with either candidate. One was too old and his running mate was completely inappropriate for so many reasons that they’re too boring and too obvious to list out. The other has no experience, seems like a socialist, has a record of changing his mind constantly and will be assassinated before he gets warm in the seat. There is still a lot of racial hatred in the US and those boys carry high powered rifles and know how to use explosives.

I hope Obama does well. The whole world depends on a stable and successful America. I fear the worst. America is not ready for a black president – not in the mid-west and places like that.

Jonathan Ross received a three month suspension – without pay – that’s (apparently) £1.5m in lost pay. That’s an amazing knee-jerk reaction from the stiffs at the BBC, albeit in the face of incredible public outrage and political scrutiny. A joke – that did cross the line – was made from two comedians with a reputation for doing so. Who is surprised? I didn’t even know Brand/Ross had a show on Saturday night on the radio. I guess I do now – as do most of the world.

Who will now listen, though?

If I was Ross, I would tell the BBC to go and get stuffed. Sky would sign him up like a shot – that publicity can’t easily be purchased. With an increase in salary, Ross could finish net UP on the deal over two or three years. Brand is off to do some films – armed with more publicity than an army of Max Cliffords could offer him. The “Satanic Sluts” – the group in which the poor afflicted girl performs – is now more famous than Terry Wogan, a BBC stalwart of many years. (The group name says a lot, doesn’t it?).

The BBC have saved £1.5m and with Ross likely to depart, his massive yearly salary without having to sack him.

Not many losers here. Even Ross’ ego will survive with a few well placed jokes in a few weeks.

Andrew Sachs is an old, obviously dignified man. I would imagine his embarrassment probably comes from the name of his granddaughter’s group rather than a couple of voicemails that he probably deleted as soon as he heard them – provided he knew how to use it at his age.

The country has erupted because a couple of comedians took a joke too far on a radio show. A radio show that was pre-recorded and available for moderation, I might add.

It took the top slot on Sky News and co, prompting me to wonder if there really was no other news available. Everyone’s bored of the financial crisis. The US attack on Syria has been forgotten. But Brand’s tasteless remarks about Andrew Sach’s granddaughter is now the top most newsworthy story. No news is indeed good news.

I would like to point out that although you don’t go around telling her grandfather in a lewd way, Brand did have a relationship with this poor woman that probably involved sex. She now claims her life is ruined. She must be gutted. I can’t even remember her name and can’t be bothered to look. Don’t worry, love, you’ll be forgotten in a couple of short weeks. It’s certainly lucky she knew someone at the Sun newspaper through whom she could tell her horrific life destroying tale – presumably in case some people didn’t know her or what she’d been through. Is she not now destroying her own life? Is this suicide? Is the newspaper going to get dragged through the courts for assisted suicide?

Brand has resigned – perhaps this is the best outcome for him as his semi-notorious reputation is now resident in the Halls of Notoriety – right up their with Johnny Rotten (John Lydon) and Freddie Starr. Lydon, formally of the Sex Pistols, is a property developer and can be seen advertising butter on television in case you’d forgotten about him.

Ross is the subject of an emergency meeting at the BBC to discuss his future, whilst being currently suspended from working. I hope he is on full pay whilst this enforced. He has a family and might well have a mortgage or two or three or four to pay. It could create another credit crunch if he goes down. His £6m a year salary will probably crop up during the executive’s discussions, I would assume.

Has the world gone mad … again? Brand is a rude comic, always on the edge. Ross is a bit more polished but has always been risqué. If you found their material offensive, you wouldn’t listen to the programme, would you? That’s probably borne out by the one or two complaints at the time of the broadcast, which (given subsequent publicity) has now risen to 30,000 or so. I would guess that 29,998 of those did not hear the original broadcast. If no one has said anything, no one would have known or cared.

“It’s license payers money!” they scream. Yes it is, but I don’t remember signing a legally binding contract with the BBC for them to produce only material that I like. The stuff that I don’t like – which is most of it – I don’t watch. The fact I have to pay for the license is only a fact and is the law. It’s an unfair law in my opinion, but a law all the same.

It was offensive (to Sachs senior – I suspect the young lady was glad of some publicity at first) and it did cross the line. The BBC should’ve intercepted and stopped the programme being broadcast. They didn’t. Should someone have reviewed it before it went out? Yes, of course. The two comics apologised. That should be it. The rest is just bored news hacks stirring up news where there is none. Turn it in. It’s boring.

I just want to say something else about the economy, then I’ll shut up about it all.

The “R” word – recession – it happens. It happens in cycles every 10-20 or so years.

There’s a lot been made of the “boom and bust” cycle that Gordon Brown promised to eradicate. That was irresponsble of him to promise that. He probably thought that we would hit the “bust” part as the Labour government got replaced by the Conservatives. It might well have been true if he hadn’t bottled taking on a general election just after becoming Prime Minister (and becoming a completely unelected leader in the process). I guess that finally getting to sit in Tony’s big chair went to his head and his ego took over. He is left with the mess that he originally hoped to bequeath to the Tories, albeit by the process of a natural economic cycle and not a deliberate ploy. Don’t be fooled by “Gordon the Saviour” – him chucking money at the problem will only make the problem last longer as taxes are pushed up to cope. He was a political dead man walking and this was a desperate act of a desperate man. He was also an advocate of a nationalised banking system in his strong socialist past, which would stiffle London’s edge as a top financial centre. It’s his legacy and will hang around our necks for years to come.

Boom and bust is normal. The economy grows, and then grows faster as people naturally try to expand themselves (and their earnings) – that’s why interest rates go up to try to stop it. People form companies in good times and borrow money to do so – the banks are happy to lend more and more to maximise their own profits and increase the returns to shareholders. Unemployment sinks (as there are more companies and jobs) and everyone is happy. The banks made more this time by packaging up these loans and selling them as investments (fixed income returns on debt repayments). Then, as always, all of a sudden everyone stops, says “sh*t!” and the confidence drains from the economy instantly as they realise the money isn’t real. Everyone withdraws their investments for safety – and stocks plunge, making a bad problem worse – and everything plummets. The businesses struggle – customers disappear as they have little or no money. The companies go bust. “Correction” is the word. Then we hit the bottom – which is a great buying opportunity for investors and then there are huge opportunities for business to grow into the space that the now expanding economy offers. The governments then want to encourage lending again to get the economy moving. Thus, the cycle starts again.

How do you stop it? If the Bank of England sets the interest rates at a level that encourages gentle growth without irresponsible borrowing – this is a good start.

Chances of getting that right? None. It’s human nature to want to push onwards and to take risks. If it wasn’t, we’d all still be living in caves.

We’re on the “bust” part right now – you’ll likely see some more in your lifetime, just like your parents and their parents before them. Comforting factors are that a) it always recovers and b) the media always makes it sound worse than it is – they sell newspapers off the panic – especially in this intense media age.

Some people somewhere are making a lot of money out of the current financial crisis. The market goes up and down – it’s “volatile” – and if you know what you are doing, or more importantly know of (or start) the small pieces of information that makes the market go up and down, then you can play the markets and make lots of money. The market always goes up and down (generally upwards – and it will again), but currently, it goes up and down by 5% or more. 6% is what you would normally expect to make on your fund (an endowment, a pension plan, a managed ISA) in a year. You can make this almost every day at the moment if you know if it goes up or down. 50/50, I hear you say? No, it isn’t. People in the market “in the know” do know if it will crash or “rally”. They do, trust me.

The men at the top are going to have their bonuses and pay controlled, we are told. If this happens, the men at the top will simply go abroad or stop. (they already have lots of money, remember, and they are people “in the know” (see para above), so they won’t get bored). The government own big chunks of these banks and want to sell their shares at a profit. Will they do that if the banks are over-controlled and have the senior execs jumping ship and running off to Dubai (a new financial centre, which is now rubbing its hands and finishing off all the new gleaming offices, ready to house these execs)? No, the government doesn’t want these white elephants. Expect the banks to reposses your house to get the money in, that they have to repay to the government – who took it from you in the first place. Expect the government to quietly sell the equity back to the original owners in the first place (your pension funds) at a loss (when the bank has taken your homes), on the banker’s terms. After all, the bankers are smarter than the politicians – that’s why they’re bankers.

Simple, really.

Ben and Catherine Mullany were tragically murdered during their honeymoon on the island of Antigua. It makes your blood run cold to think about what happened, especially during the 20 minutes from the first scream to the last. (Why didn’t the person who heard the first scream do something?)

It makes me consider some of these idyllic holiday spots in some of the poorer countries in the world. I was thinking about going to the Carribbean but decided against it. I’d been warned by a friend not to go to Jamaica, and if I did, not to venture outside the compound. Erm … if you think about this, it’s like holidaying in Afghanistan or something, isn’t it? You are required to pay about £1k each to go to an island where you have to stay inside your compound that has no proper policing – shown by the appeal for help to Scotland Yard and possibly the FBI. They need help with gangs, allegedly – what, just suddenly? The parents also took the dangerous decision to transfer the stricken Ben back to the UK possibly because the hospital was not well provisioned (unless they knew he was going to die and wanted him to die at home). Hardly feels you with confidence, does it?

Following the shambolic performance of the Portuguese Keystone cops in the Madeleine McCann investigation, it makes you wonder why people go abroad because at the first sign of trouble, you’re IN trouble. When I was in Portugal, the holiday firm that I rented the villa from advises that if you are caught speeding, not to hand over your driving license or passport if the police ask for it. It infers a corrupt police force – definitely demonstrated by the way information leaked into the press concerning the Madeleine investigation. That simple instruction disturbed my Mrs no end the moment we got there.

It’s my opinion that countries should be rated according to their lawlessness, so people can make an informed decision about where they go, or at the very least made aware of things to avoid before they leave. Holiday brochures should carry a security rating for each accomodation as well. My Portuguese villa was on an unnamed road and the villa next door was ransacked whilst we were there. How could I have called the police to help? The Mullanys were staying in a “don’t leave your compound” accomodation, right over the back of the property, separated by a 6 foot wall with no security cameras – in monetary terms, this was likely very expensive, but was similar to staying in the Baghdad Hilton. You should know this before you buy – it’s a fantastic incentive for people selling holidays to get it right.

Barry George has been cleared of the murder of Jill Dando. He was convicted on evidence that was not strong enough to prove beyond reasonable doubt that he did the crime. Other evidence of being spotted in the area and of stalking other women is circumstantial and irrelevant. He spent eight years in prison for a crime he did not commit. Those eight years from 40 to 48 years old are not only some of the prime years of life but they were uttely miserable with the whole world against him. They are talking about substantial monetary payments to try and compensate Mr George for this heinous miscarriage. The real murderer is still out there. These are the facts as we know them today.

How could this happen? How could such a big and well-publicised case allow such a huge error? Who will be accountable for this? Did a single person decide to push through and convict the man for a crime where the evidence did not support the conviction or did a chain of events happen that meant the blame was shared across a number of people or is the system fundamentally flawed enough that there is no blame for any individual or group of individuals? I mentioned before that this was well publicised: how many other people are sitting in prison for a crime that they did not commit with no chance of release because their case was not newsworthy and/or they did not have a supportive sister who crusaded tirelessly on behalf of their brother? How many people from poor backgrounds particularly or with mental health issues such as George are being denied their right to live free lives? If we found them all, how much compensation would be due? How much compensation is enough? Can only money do this? What alternatives are there?

This leads me to consider who did it. This person (or people) committed a crime and had the fortune to have a man come along and virtually fit himself up. The circumstantial evidence is still compelling. How many other criminals are free and free to commit other crimes because the wrong person has been convicted? This person or the organisation they represent will now not ever be caught. How can they with a gap of nine years and no evidence at all? The criminal is either another individual with personal issues like Mr George who was lucky enough to get away with it or (given the style of the killing) is a professional with a military background (or both). I mention the link to a military background because the bullets were modified to maximise damage and minimise noise. We will never know.

Let’s consider for a moment that Barry George DID do it. The circumstantial evidence lead the police to him – quite rightly. He was (or perhaps still is) a self-confessed pest to women (and was spotted many times by police doing this under suveillance); he raped or attempted to rape at least one woman; he kept cuttings of women (Dando included) under the dubious argument that he was a hoarder; he was in the Territorial Army and may have known how to modify the bullets and how to operate a gun effectively; he did have gunpowder residue in his pocket that was matched to that on the victim – although cross contamination was possible, rendering it irrelevant in a legal sense – however, this is in a legal sense and was probably due to police incompetence(?). The toy gun found at his house is an obvious red herring. To say his low IQ would stop him being able to effectively kill is absurd given his military background (albeit limited). I’m pretty certain I could make a bomb by looking it up on the internet – this does not mean I’ve had military training. He would only have needed to have been told (and taken in) that an execution should be quick and quiet (not rocket science and probably is shown in many films). None of this means he did do it, of course – and God help us the day that circumstantial evidence of this type is used to convict people as the prisons would be full of people with ruined lives from it. Can you imagine the fear if you were heard to comment on someone who was later murdered near a place where you were known to be without an alibi? Just being arrested for such a thing would tarnish your reputation and put doubts into people’s minds. Who would ever employ Barry George off the back of this circumstantial evidence? I wouldn’t. Not with the other things I definitely know about him, like his propensity to pester women, let alone the rape.

Barry George has loss of earnings for eight years and can never work again, so his payout will be huge. This will be borne by the tax payer – people like me and you. Unless something changes, no one will be held accountable. He will live out his remaining days, free to pursue whatever interests he chooses. Has his fixation with women been released by careful counselling and will he be monitored? Who would dare to say he should be watched / monitored after what the system has put him through already? I think, given he can’t work again, given his freedom was stolen during the prime years of his life and that people will steer clear of him means that his payout should be substantial so that society can try and compensate him… however, I hope he doesn’t move near to me and I bet you honestly feel the same.

There’s something very disturbing about the rape and murder of Scarlett Keeling aside from the disgusting and unforgiveable act itself. I won’t spend any time on the actual crime as we don’t know for sure what exactly happened but her last moments must’ve been hell on earth.

When I first read the story on the internet, I think I was reading it with a dispassionate eye, as anyone who reads the news does. What really stopped me dead in my tracks was her age: fifteen years old. I had to re-read it. I couldn’t connect the facts that her family had travelled to another area and left the 15 year old behind. Fifteen. I read it again. There was something other than the fundamentally obvious “wrong” of a family leaving a fifteen year old girl behind in a resort that is known for drugs and all sorts of sordid party activity. Fifteen. She was on some very long holiday to India. Fifteen years old. Why was she not at school? Don’t fifteen year olds study for exams this time of year? You can’t substitute home learning for important exams like this if that’s what was going on. You certainly can’t supervise them when you’ve gone to another part of the country. I just couldn’t reconcile the story in my head and I still can’t.

The mother, if that’s what you can call it, is obviously some self-satisfying throwback to a bygone hippy age. She makes my skin crawl with her ice cold speeches on the television and those gypsy style tattoos on her arms. If the McCanns have taken so much stick for leaving their children alone, this woman must do the same. Both women must carry the knowledge in their hearts that they badly let their children down. In fact, although the McCanns cannot be defended in any way for what they did, there was a much smaller statistical risk of harm coming to their children than a 15 year old girl who appeared attracted to the hedonistic lifestyle offered by Goa’s nightlife and if we can believe what we read, was no stranger to it. I think there is a case for this woman to answer to the courts for neglect of that child and for her other unfortunate children to be looked at very carefully by social services. I hope the results of her selfishness haunt her into old age.

What surprises me the most are people’s shock at the apparent corrupt police in Goa. Do me a favour – did you just come out of a spaceship or something? In an area where drugs are rife, in the sub-continent known for corrupton, did you expect something else? Did you expect them to want to draw attention to the dangers of the area and discourage the must needed tourism? The ironic thing is that all of this fuss has probably attracted greater numbers to the area, the morbid rubber neckers that get kicks out of standing in the spot where she died or drinking in the bar she was in.

It’s a sick world out there. Perhaps Ms MacKeown, the mother, will now realise it, should the cannibis smog have cleared from her cold and selfish eyes.

Question: is society worse now than it ever was before? Come on, think about it. There are paedos living in every street, watching kids going to school. There are gangs of yoofs, armed to the teeth, ready to stab you to death. There are grannies getting badly beaten and later dying for the price of a loaf of bread and a newspaper. There is more war, the weather is worse, global warming, food causing cancer, immigration and financial hardship for all, particularly the middle classes. Disease and death is about to consume us all.

Yes, the evidence is compelling, isn’t it? But let’s stop there for a minute and think a little more carefully. There has ALWAYS been the above … always – in every category I mention above. Lots of it. Repeated throughout history. The Moors murderers (and countless others, like the one recently uncovered), the riots of 1982, the Falklands conflict, the drought of 1976, Lebanon torn to shreds, the winter of discontent, the miners strikes and the list could go on. The truth is, we live better and longer than we ever have before and every generation before them could say the same thing (discounting huge numbers lost in World Wars perhaps).

I think there are two things that come into play here.

Firstly, the media. There’s now so much of it. 24 hour news channels competing with one another for the “best” news stories. Let’s get in there and see someone shot, shall we? Let’s see Iraqis beaten by soldiers in the street shall we? Like it’s never happened before, with frustrated soldiers living their life on the edge for us. It’s not an excuse, but it’s not “news”. The “Breaking News” flashing banners have to be justified and given a sense of purpose, even when the breaking news is how much Paul McCartney’s wife got as a divorce settlement. I’m not “old”, I’m now at the grand old age of 37 (recent birthday!). But, I remember watching News at Ten when younger (ditto, News at 6). We had 15 minutes news, a bit of sport and some off the wall nonsense about a giant pork pie eaten by 500 yokels in Norfolk. They didn’t have the time to cover some of these things or the necessity (much) to compete with lots of other news sources – and I’m also referring to the internet here. Coming from Battersea, I can confirm groups of yoofs would gather on estates and cause trouble. I went to hospital to visit a friend who had been stabbed. Was it on the news? No. Not “news” enough because those things unfortunately do happen. As Crimewatch says, of course, statistically, you probably won’t end up the victim of a terribe crime. That’s not to say you won’t, but to me, I’d bet the probabilty is the same from one generation to the other but you’re more likely to be reported on the news somewhere.

I think these media frenzied times have a good effect: you get to know what’s going on around you and that can only be good if you appreciate that because you know more it doesn’t mean it happens more than it used to; but it also introduces a social paranoia. I used to go out on my bike a lot, with friends or on my own. I used to go around the parks and meet up with other kids, “knock” for a friend (who allows that now? I certainly don’t let my kids do that) and with friends we might challenge stranger kids to a game of football and make new friends in the process. This doesn’t happen any more because of the perceived danger introduced by 24 hour news coverage. The fact of the matter is I probably rode past perverts back then, but I knew not to talk to strange adults and knew to run, scream or ride for my life. I was very wary. Nowadays kids talk to each other on MSN or via text messages and I do believe this will lead to a lack of socialisation skills in the future for some. That’s very sad and a lot of fun is being missed. Kids are probably more likely to meet perverts online than in the park these days anyway. If my son or daughter wants to play with a friend, it’s done like a miltary operation with times and transport all agreed well in advance. I remember knocking for a friend and his parent asking if I wanted to stay for dinner, I’d say “yes” and they’d look at me and say, “don’t you think you should check with your mum first?”. The spontaneity has gone.

The second point is that it’s older people who always seem to bemoan the state of the world and society isn’t it? That never changes. The thing that does change in that regard is that you become that older person yourself and fit the pattern of those old friends of your parents moaning about kids hanging out down by the newsagents late on Saturday evening. You know? Sometimes they’re just bored and watching the world go by, trying to feel grown up, but the older you get, the more intimated you feel and this must mean they’re up to no good. Right? Well, I’d guess that your answer will probably depend on your age!

Bah humbug, that’s what I say!!

They should be banned. I’ll tell you why.

People (and it is mostly women) weave around the pavement, talking on their mobile phones or typing out SMS messages, walk into people or suddenly slow down or stop to spell a word. When I am walking, it has moved me to consider murder.

People (and it is mostly women) talk loudly on the train on their mobile phone, disturbing the whole carriage. Why? Have you no awareness of where you are? Mostly (and it is women) it is complete mundane shit or they are moaning about their jobs. If you don’t like your job, just quit, don’t moan or talk about it, just fucking quit. Blokes who do this on trains are usually IT geeks talking about passwords for firewalls. No one is impressed, mate. We know what firewalls are. We don’t care. We’re not impressed. Murder is permissible in these situations. I’ve done it. It made me feel better.

People – and this is everyone – will stop a face to face conversation because their fucking mobile phone starts playing a stupid ringtone … which is NEVER funny, by the way. The birdie song doesn’t do it, okay? When people smile at you, they’re feeling sorry for you, they’re not laughing at you or with you – IT’S PITY. The call recipient will then talk to the person on the other end of the phone (probably a woman veering across the pavement or sitting/standing on a crowded train), holding their hand up, saying “it’s Sarah, hold on, will you?” I’m going to state the obvious here: if someone interupts a conversation you are having in person by standing in front of you and singing a stupid tune at you, would you immediately turn your attention to this person? No? However if they do it using a mobile phone (or a regular phone, to be fair), this is okay? It’s not. Tell the person on the phone that you are busy talking to someone and you will call them back when you are free. PHONE CALLS DO NOT GIVE PRIORITY ACCESS TO YOUR TIME – YOU CAN CALL BACK!!

Text messaging also allows people to say things that they otherwise would be too scared to say causing people to avoid real life. It’s also actively teaching young people to spell like morons.

They can be used as bomb denotators. Football hooligans use them to co-ordinate fighting. Too many phone cameras have taken too many pictures that will haunt drunken people for life. It’s not fair. When you are out on the pish, it should stay private. That’s an unwritten rule.

Bring back telephone boxes and smoke signals … that’s what I say. Give your mobile phones back to Satan’s army of goons at the Carphone Warehouse and “just say no to mobile phones.”

My son is almost eleven. In fact, he’s eleven tomorrow. He is in year 6 (that’s the fourth year of juniors for older people who grew up 10,000 years ago, like me). We’ve reached the stage where we have to find his secondary school. It’s an absolute nightmare, I can tell you.

There are three very good grammar schools in the area. In fact, two are very close and another a short bus ride away. There are other state schools in the area, but they’re further away. The biggest issue I have with the non-grammar state schools is that they’re completely crap. I wouldn’t send your badly behaved dog there. To get into the grammar schools, you have to pass an eleven-plus style entrance exam. The problem with the exam is that every bastard in South London, Surrey and parts of Kent and Sussex sits it. This means that you pretty well have to be a member of Mensa to get in. They’re kids like the ones on the TV show “Are you smarter than a ten year old” – only much more clever. They’ve been tutored for ten years, five hours a night specifically to pass this exam.

So, I got my son a tutor at the beginning of last year. He went once a week and it helped him, I think. The tutor had to teach him verbal reasoning as the state primary schools don’t teach this – although you have to get near to 100% on this paper to get into grammar school. Erm … how is this fair?

He took the first one in September. He missed out on the pass mark by a fairly narrow margin. However, there were three hundred boys in between him and getting in. The ten year old boy then gets a letter telling him did really well, didn’t reach the mark … and not to apply to the school for at least three years. It was like a punch in the face for him. These exams are very harsh – you fail – you’re out for good – there are no re-sits like GCSEs, A levels, degrees.

So, we turned to private schools. The type of schooling on offer is outstanding. The opportunities breath-taking. It comes at a price, of course. Fees between £11,000 and £13,000. There are bursaries, however and parents are encouraged not to shy away for fear of finances because of this. However, my income is just above the qualification level. They offer scholarships for academic, sports, music, artistic talent. If you are rich, you are okay; if you are poor, you are okay; if you have an outstanding talent, you are okay (presumably, you’d get grammar school education if you wanted it anyway). I would love him to go to private school, but at £12,000 and being a 40% tax payer, this is £20,000 of my gross salary. I can tell you, I don’t have £12,000 in my sky rocket every year with the difficult problem of trying to find somewhere to put it. (”sky rocket” is pocket for you non-cockneys!)

Grammar tests followed in November and January. The two private schools’ tests followed in the same week in January. We were notified afterwards that Michael had failed to reach the 87.5% required to pass the grammar test. This is a school we can walk to, a stone’s throw from his current primary school. It’s rated in the top ten in the country so people travel for miles around to get the chance to go there. I feel penalised for not tutoring him from the age of four and/or going to an average to slightly above average primary school. Michael is in all the top groups in his primary school and has fantastic school reports of which we are very proud.

We were then notified that he had passed both private school tests. For one school, he had scored 95% and they were convinced Michael would be able to choose whatever school he wanted. His English paper was 100% – essay and comprehension. This is the £13,000 a year school, of course. Michael has now been interviewed – and so have the Mrs and I!! – for the two private schools. We still await the results of the third and final grammar school.

My council tax is about £250 per month because of the banding of my house. From this, the council provides schooling for its borough. Schools cannot legally prefer one applicant to another based on the borough in which they pay council tax. The two private schools are even out of borough (but fairly close by), although this is largely irrelevant in respect of council tax given the fees. Michael is eligible for scholarships in both private schools – we’re hopeful of a particularly good one from the one in which he got 95%. My son has now had six exams – one mock added to those mentioned above – and two interviews (with four different people) – at ten years of age to decide which school he goes to at eleven. The results of which are more critical to his future than any others, given he can’t retake any of them. I’m faced with a potential £91,000 bill over the next seven years. (This is not counting my daughter who is six and has less state schools to “choose” from in the area).

My point is simple: what the fuck am I paying council tax for?

The investigation into Madeleine’s disappearance continues and we’re no nearer finding out what happened. That’s disturbing in itself but what concerns me are the antics of the Portuguese police. I use the word “police” because that’s their name, however, it doesn’t appear to relate to their function from what I understand of law and order.

It is completely natural that different nations have different approaches to policing. I’m sure there and pros and cons across the board. I don’t believe our police are perfect – I don’t believe it’s possible for a police force to achieve perfection in what is an incredibly difficult and important job.

I cannot begin to understand how the Portuguese police can justify the way they work. For a start, their secrecy laws don’t appear to give any benefits at all. In the case of a missing child, why keep details back? They can only help, especially immediately after the crime where the public have details fresh in their minds. An innocent observation, easily lost in the fog of memory can be brought out and recorded for intelligence use in the critical hours that follow the crime. Someone spotting a person loading up a car could give the police a much needed lead. Months later, would the same witness remember something so innocent? Of course not. That’s the benefit of quick and informative media reports – not to feed morbid sections of the public. I don’t see how careful and responsible media coverage can assist the criminal with information either. Given the police’s now obvious incompetence, I strongly believe their secrecy laws serve only to cover up inadequate and inappropriate actions. Kate McCann is under threat of jail if she speaks out to defend herself – that is denying freedom of speech – that is unacceptable in a civilised society and must surely breach her human rights. In this day and age human rights are extended into all sorts of strange areas, such as having to take care of the amount of force that you use against an intruder, but a European country can stop you from publically defending your reputation when they are releasing stories into the media? That’s outrageous. You may question such a strong sentiment from me but the incompetence is proven in many ways, not least the facts which show the police failed to seal off the area for clues or even look for clues.

Whether the McCanns “did it” or not is not relevant to my blog here as there are no facts to push an opinion one way or the other. I simply don’t know – however, I do believe you are innocent until PROVEN guilty. As a father I can’t believe they could have done something like that accidentally or not but there are so many things in this world which are unbelieveable that you just can’t be sure without knowing the facts. The fact that the police have been and appear to continue to circulate rumours based on subjective material is nothing short of scandalous. I can’t believe that a police force can be allowed to get away with this. If the McCanns indeed “did it” – this rumour mongering still serves no purpose other than to try and make them confess – which would be unlikely to work now. If they did not do it, then it’s hard to imagine being in a position where your child is snatched and then you are accused of being involved. That’s hell on earth. Who is accountable for that police force? I note the police inspector (himself a suspect on another case) has since been fired but the damage has been done already. Imagine when the young McCann twins grow up and rumours remain that their own parents killed their sister. How do any of the McCanns cope with that?

This “suspect” status conferred by the Portuguese police is baffling too. They appear to be able to give out this status on a whim based on no concrete evidence – both to the McCanns and to Robert Murat. There appears to be no time limit where it HAS to be withdrawn even though they are not charged. That is amazing. If there is no evidence they should be released from this status. We don’t know if Murat was involved – but imagine he was not and only acted in a ghoulish and foolish way, hanging around the scene of the crime. His life is scarred forever, whatever happens.

I went to Portugal on holiday this summer with my family – including my 6 year old daughter. The Algarve is a very attractive proposition for holiday makers. I wouldn’t go anywhere near the place now. It is not a civilised country. Awful things happen all over the world but there is a real danger for innocents to be accused of things with no evidence and with no sensitivity by police who are not bound to say or (appear to) account for anything. Either Robert Murat, the McCanns or both are in this position unless you think they’re all in it together – and what circumstance would have the McCanns colluding with Murat in respect of their own daughter? I honestly believe that all holiday makers and businesses should steer clear of that country until it moves into the twenty first century.

Having a six year old daughter, this is something that really affected me from the start. I just couldn’t and still can’t get the thought of it out of my head. We also holidayed in Portugal this year just down the road from where she was taken and so other than it chilling my blood every time I think about it or see the news, it seemed uncomfortably close.

If the latest rumours are to be believed and whether the blood they have found belongs to Madeleine or not, I can’t believe the Portuguese police did not find that on day one. Although the McCann parents are quick to praise the police and their “investigation”, I think they are probably doing that just to keep in with the police to keep them doing something/anything. The Portuguese police seem to have no idea about anything or what to do. To me their “policy” of not revealing anything to the public is just a cover-up for their immense incompetence. If blood on a wall is not a striking clue or starting point, I’m struggling to think what clues would have made any sense to them – muddy footprints or the intruder dropping their driving license? With those clowns in charge, I’m surprised they manage to find their patrol car. I do hope the British police are now taking over, as seems to be the case.

It’s November the 5th, and all I can hear – and it was worse yesterday, being a Saturday – are blooming fireworks exploding everywhere. The weather forecast says that tomorrow’s expected fog will be thicker because of the amount of bonfires around the country today.

For international visitors, Bonfire night celebrates the failure of Guy Fawkes to blow up the houses of Parliament in … wait for it … 1605. A few years ago, then. Native Americans were running around the United States, unmolested, certainly not drunk and not playing in casinos. Mr Fawkes was caught, tortured and executed (see the below blog on Saddam and capital punishment!). That night on November 5th, 1605, bonfires were lit all over England to celebrate the safety of the King. We’re still lighting them. Let’s face it … the King is dead. He’s been dead quite a while, too, has James the first.

We sell these fireworks to … anyone, really. Kids end up with them. They mess about with them and injure themselves and others. Innocently organised home firework parties have tragic endings too … not many, but enough. One is more than enough. When I was at school, some wag threw a firework in my class and it buzzed around under my seat. It’d have caused damage if I hadn’t lost control of my bowels and covered it with a fire resistent layer of excrement.

I’m going to state the obvious now: “Let’s stop selling fireworks” and “Let’s stop ‘celebrating’ a failed terrorist incident from 401 years ago.” If we celebrated failed terrorist incidents, we’d have firework night many times a year.

Fireworks are stupid. (Unless you’re watching the 4th July display over Manhattan like I did in 2005, which was amazing! (but safe))

So, the almost comical trial ended and a handful of Iraqis have been sentenced to death, including the former dictator, Saddam Hussein. 40 or 50 Iraqis get killed in car bomb attacks regularly, making this trivial in basic human and mathematical terms.

I’m all in favour of capital punishment, but with an important caveat that somehow, the verdict is beyond any doubt whatsoever. I think this case probably qualifies, from what the media have said over the years – and by the Iraqi tanks rolling into Kuwait and the bombed Kurdish villages in the north of their own country.

I don’t like hanging, however. That is barbaric and there should be no need to resort to this. I believe that people who commit murder qualify for “an eye for an eye” and people who commit certain sexual attacks don’t deserve to live and benefit from the rest of humanity. They should pay the ultimate penalty. Surely a lethal injection is sufficient to do this, though? Choking someone on a rope or breaking the neck (whichever kills them) is a throw back to a less civilised time where it was “entertainment” for a baying and bloodthirsty crowd. I guess it also acted as a deterrent, back in those days, but does that apply now – now that death is a part of the average Iraqi’s daily life? I’m assuming the convicts will not be hung in front of the public in the middle of Baghdad but it’s a crazy world and I wouldn’t be suprised to see it on YouTube.

What is interesting is the reaction. The politicians come out in support of the decision, making no mention of the punishment. I’d like to know why we can’t bring back capital punishment for the most evil and vile members of our own society? I acknowledge the opinions of those against it, although I disagree – but I would expect these politicians not to look so smug, now that the sentence has been announced, when child rapists and killers sit in comfortable cells watching DVDs and playing computer games in our own country. There is (like always) a simmering hypocrisy about what they have said.

Apparently “Saddam’s evil reign of terror is now at an end”. I think everyone knew it was finished near the end of the war when the Iraqi propaganda minister said the Americans were being driven out, at the same moment that the tanks were entering the ravaged city. Do you know how long ago that was? 3 years ago. It’s hardly been a garden of roses since. Let’s also remember that no weapons of mass destruction were found buried in the flower bed, either.

Listening to some of the coverage today, I was also struck by the comments of some Iraqi people being interviewed. They said that whilst Saddam Hussein was in charge of the country, their lives were “normal” and now they were frightened to go out and their children could no longer safely go to school. I’m sure some people’s lives are now better – but surely, not much better, given the regular carnage on our televisions – and many more now perceive it to be much worse. With civil disorder likely short-term, and also around the time of the execution, are the best intentions of the West (and I’m sure there are good intentions in there somewhere) causing more problems than they are solving? Will this intervention and action ever deliver democratic order and a good life for the ordinary Iraqi without pushing them towards violent loathing of the West? With the two factions more apart than ever, I’m starting to question how it will ever end.