Coming back from New York (again) recently, I noticed many people telling me to have a safe trip.

That’s nice, but … why?

Air travel is not my favourite form of travel – not by a long chalk. In fact – I’d rather surf on the back on an alligator. I hate it. My sensitive ears make me think the plane is plummeting at the slightest drop, or climbing like a rocket when it hits a tiny air pocket. 3 trips to New York this year so far, and I still think I’m an Al Qaeda target (I visualise them hiding in by those lakes by heathrow with surface to air missile launchers), or the plane’s wings haven’t been screwed on right, or the pilot is busy having it away with the stewardess and too blind drunk to see the mountain ahead, or the auto pilot computer is being re-programmed by my iPod to try and reach the moon …

Anyway – digressing: the “have a safe trip” comments:

Are they implying that on the safest form of transport (unless you live in Russia), that I WON’T have a safe trip? Is this some sort of coded terrorist threat, or do they know something I don’t? Do these giant metal birds crash all the time and no one tells us? Is the safety of the trip really in question? Crossing the road is much more dangerous – but does yer mum say, ‘have a safe trip, son,’ every time you go to the shop for her? The hell she does.

I think subconsciously, people just know that these incredibly heavy things full of people just shouldn’t be flying – it just doesn’t convince the brain properly. We need some evolution time to adjust.